Dr. Linda Mintle

Tag: anger

  • Anger Can Hide Under Depression

    Unexpressed anger can be at the root of depression. When we are angry and bury it inside, we put ourselves at risk. Anger must be acknowledged, appropriately expressed and let go. Madison’s story explains how this happens.

    Madison received a phone call from her stepmother several weeks ago. Madison’s father was dying of cancer. The stepfather thought Madison should know even though Madison had not spoken to her father in years. Madison’s father had been physically abusive to her growing up. Madison had never dealt with her anger over the abuse. Now her father was dying. What kind of person was glad to hear such news! She felt like a monster. Depression set in.

    Angry people do not always throw things or yell and scream. They may turn anger inward like Madison did and believe that if she directly expressed anger, she would be no different than her father. So instead, she pretended not to be angry. Her solution wasn’t working.

    Over the years, I have worked with many people who believe anger is not an acceptable emotion because they have seen the emotion handled in ways that were out of control. However, anger is real and must be expressed in a way that releases it.

    The abused part of Madison wanted her father dead. Another part of her struggled with such emotion. She never had the father she wanted. His death made that all the more real. It was all very confusing but in the end, compassion took over and she wanted to release the burden she carried for so many years.

    She acknowledged her anger at her father and expressed that anger appropriately as we worked through it in therapy. Madison made a decision to forgive her father, not because he deserved it, but because she had been forgiven by God when she didn’t deserve it. Once she made these steps, the anger had no power over her and the depression lifted. Madison realized that even though her father no longer had control over her, the anger she held towards him was making her depressed. Freedom came when she released it all.

  • Desk Rage

    The work environment is now a place of unleashed rage for too many Americans. Yelling and verbal abuse can be heard down the hallways of various companies and industries. The response to that behavior is something the media has dubbed, “desk rage”. That’s right, you’ve heard of road rage, even air rage, now we have to contend with hostility and violence in the workplace called desk rage.

    From a psychological perspective, desk rage is simply rudeness, hostility, physical violence and aggression found in the workplace. A National Crime Victimization Survey (2000) found that Americans experienced approximately 2 million threats of violence and assaults at their workplace. Of that number, 1.5. million were simple assaults. And another study out of the University of North Carolina documented that at least half of the workers interviewed worried about rude and hostile behavior directed at them. This worry affected their work-related productiveness as well. Overall, revenue related to lost productivity, increased security, insurance related payment, and other expenses is estimated to cost employers between 6.4  and 36 billion dollars.

    What’s going on that so many Americans are going postal? It appears that desk rage is triggered by stress–boredom, anxiety, lack of control, demands of the job, overcrowding, noise, etc. And while employers are now trying to deal with the problem by finding solutions that decrease stress, such as more than flexible work hours or improved benefits, more is needed.  People have to learn anger management, ways to assert themselves positively and constructive ways to handle their negative emotions. In a nutshell, people need stress management. Here are ten tips taken from my Breaking Free from Stress booklet:

    1. Be ready and accepting of change. Change is inevitable in today’s work environment. Adjust your expectations. Be ready for it instead of resisting it.
    2. Don’t panic if you are laid off. With corporate downsizing, global market changes, outsourcing, etc. people lose their jobs even when they do well at their jobs. God has to be your ultimate source of provision.
    3. Get a quality education and explore fields that are growing such as technology and health. Skill development helps make you more marketable.
    4. Be a good steward of your finances. Don’t spend beyond your means or rack of credit card debt. Put money away for a difficult time.
    5. Maximize your work time. Be clear on what is expected so you know how you will be evaluated. Minimize distractions.
    6. Have integrity on the job. Do not compromise your beliefs and line up your behavior according to biblical directives. Anger management is biblical. Read what the Bible has to say about properly dealing with anger.
    7. Know what you can’t change and accept it.
    8. Be balanced. Have a life after work that involves relaxation, family, friends and a vibrant spiritual walk.
    9. Keep your humor. It relieves stress.
    10. Don’t easily take offense and offer forgiveness even when it isn’t requested.

    People in the workplace won’t always behave nicely or properly. You be the model of Christ. Your influence could make a difference. And if you need additional help, I suggest you pick up a copy of Breaking Free from Anger and Unforgiveness. Stress will never disappear but our reaction to it can be godly. Wouldn’t it be great if our stressed out co-workers came to us and said, “Hey, you are in the middle of all this craziness too. How do you manage it?” What an opportunity to talk about the peace of God, the fruit of the spirit and forgiveness.