If you post a review of Dr. Linda’s new book, “I Love My Mother, But…,” on Amazon.com before April 1, we will send you a free book as a thank you.
You will need to email your mailing information to drlindahelps@gmail.com after you post your review.
The address will only be used to send the book. Enjoy!
Join me as I chat about my new book, I Love My Mother But…
Available March 1, 2011 (Harvest House)
Unexpressed anger can be at the root of depression. When we are angry and bury it inside, we put ourselves at risk. Anger must be acknowledged, appropriately expressed and let go. Madison’s story explains how this happens.
Madison received a phone call from her stepmother several weeks ago. Madison’s father was dying of cancer. The stepfather thought Madison should know even though Madison had not spoken to her father in years. Madison’s father had been physically abusive to her growing up. Madison had never dealt with her anger over the abuse. Now her father was dying. What kind of person was glad to hear such news! She felt like a monster. Depression set in.
Angry people do not always throw things or yell and scream. They may turn anger inward like Madison did and believe that if she directly expressed anger, she would be no different than her father. So instead, she pretended not to be angry. Her solution wasn’t working.
Over the years, I have worked with many people who believe anger is not an acceptable emotion because they have seen the emotion handled in ways that were out of control. However, anger is real and must be expressed in a way that releases it.
The abused part of Madison wanted her father dead. Another part of her struggled with such emotion. She never had the father she wanted. His death made that all the more real. It was all very confusing but in the end, compassion took over and she wanted to release the burden she carried for so many years.
She acknowledged her anger at her father and expressed that anger appropriately as we worked through it in therapy. Madison made a decision to forgive her father, not because he deserved it, but because she had been forgiven by God when she didn’t deserve it. Once she made these steps, the anger had no power over her and the depression lifted. Madison realized that even though her father no longer had control over her, the anger she held towards him was making her depressed. Freedom came when she released it all.
A reader asks: Instead of being happy about the holidays, my 11 year old seems irritable and tired and doesn’t want to talk about Christmas. His dad and I divorced this summer and I am a single parent. Is this why he is so sullen?
For kids, holidays can be a reminder of what has changed and is different. Since this will be your first Christmas with a new family structure, he is mostly likely thinking about how different the holidays will be. And he may be upset that his family is no longer intact.
So in order to help him with the changes this holiday season, do the following:
1) Plan ahead for the Christmas break and let him know what those plans will be. Where will he be on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, how will presents be handled, the family meal, etc.?
2) Don’t make promises you can’t keep. If you don’t know how something will play out, let him know but tell him you are working on finalizing plans and will keep him in the loop.
3) Don’t let guilt rule your decisions. Be careful not to buy more presents or succumb to negative behavior because of family changes. Give your son your time and attention and address issues as they arise.
4) Maintain as many family traditions as possible. Change, whether good or bad, is stressful so keep what you can the same. However, you can also develop new traditions.
5) Finally, coordinate gift giving so that one parent doesn’t overload or duplicate the other. Involve grandparents when possible and try to bring a little peace to a stressful time.
Men, listen up! Here is what women say they want you to know. This isn’t a scientific survey or an exhaustive list. it is a place to start to get a clue.
WOMEN WANT…
To be listened to and have their feelings validated.
To talk about their problems. Answers are not required.
Things to get better so will look for solutions.
To try and change men!
To be cherished.
To give but also get something in return.
To think out loud.
A steady growth of intimacy
You to know that physical affection does not have to lead to sex.
You to ask about their day.
Romance and surprises.
Dates to be planned.
Compliments
You to call and let them know when you are late.
Neck and foot massages.
You to stop flipping the remote.
Short romantic get aways.
An offer to fix something.
A hello and goodbye kiss.
You to stop blaming everything on PMS.
A strong spiritual guy.
Security and commitment.
A good father and companion.