Dr. Linda Mintle

Author: Dr. Linda

  • What Men Want Women to Know

    I asked men what they wanted women to know. Although this is not a scientific study or exhaustive, you will enjoy the answers.

    MEN WANT…

    Solutions to problems without a lot of discussion.

    To not relieve their problematic day.

    To deal with stress by avoiding or distracting. That is why TV works well!

    Us to stop giving unsolicited advice

    To resist change

    To be competent, achieving results and to be goal oriented.

    Not to be told, “you can’t do that.”

    To feel needed

    To be less self-absorbed and more mature but not turn into their dads.

    To mull things over silently and not have women assume this means something is wrong in the relationship.

    Time to deal with problems and work on change.

    To be single-focused at times and not be condemned for not multitasking.

    Lists!

    To make mistakes and not have you rub it in.

    You to ask in an undemanding way.

    To read minds but they can’t!

    To flip the remote without comments in the room.

    Toys!

    Women to keep up their appearances but not be perfect.

    Sex!

    Women who will be great moms.

    Women to read this and do all the above!

  • 10 Important Things to Know About Grief

    Death is never easy to handle . What helps or doesn’t help when it comes to handling grief?

    1) There is no time limit on grief. Eventually you will access the loss and gradually adjust. Physical loss is permanent and the void will always be felt. But time helps. It usually takes about two years to move through the grieving process but the length of time varies and depends on a number of factors such as how the death occurred, your history of previous losses and the timing of the loss in your life cycle.

    2) Grief needs to be shared. Norman Paul, a well known family therapist who wrote about loss speaks to the importance of sharing grief. Healing comes, in part, from telling the story.

    3) Keep communication open. Families must periodically talk about what happened. If you don’t, you risk developing symptoms later.

    4) Get support and plenty of it. Families do better when they support each other. Don’t isolate. It may be helpful to join a grief support group.

    5) Previous family stress plays a role. When death occurs, the stress of the past affects the grief process.

    6) Rituals help to remember. Rituals bring closure to death. Children should be a part of the mourning process.

    7) Talk about the person who died. tell stories, remember.

    8) Keep busy and active. Don’t rush into things too soon but gradually resume your routine.

    9) Come to terms with forgiveness if needed.

    10) The level of your emotional connection determines how difficult the loss will be.

  • Male Eating Disorders

    Not much media attention is given to men and eating disorders. One in ten males suffer.

    Not much media attention is given to men and eating disorders. One reason may be that these disorders are disproportionately female. In recent years, however, the number of males afflicted has risen from one in twenty, to about one in ten. Approximately one-third of adolescent boys report bingeing with food.

    Men, like women, are affected by cultural media stereotypes that promote a fit and buffed body as signs of attractiveness and success. But men are more concerned about their shape than weight. Men also are affected by other sociocultural factors such as the pressure of a demanding job market and the changing view of masculinity and gender roles.

    Exercise appears to be a common entrée into symptom development. Dieting plays a role related to playing sports, past obesity, gender identity conflicts, and avoidance of feared medical illness. Boys may begin to diet to lose a few pounds, exercise to lose more weight, and then refuse to eat normally. Exercise is usually the chosen route for weight loss.

    Like women, certain subgroups of men are more at risk. For example, male wrestles have a high proportion of eating disorders. In addition, men who develop eating disorders are more likely than women to have been obese.Clinical symptoms are similar with the obvious exception of amenorrhea.

    Onset of a male eating disorder can begin at preadolescence, adolescence and young adulthood, or adulthood. Men benefit greatly from treatment and are often happy to find someone who appreciates their concerns. They typically have more alcohol related problems and obsessional thinking than female eating disorders. Female eating disorders are more afflicted with mood disorders in addition to eating problems.

    Why are these disorders more typically female? One thought is that males don’t diet as often to control weight. In addition, males increase muscle during puberty and are less concerned about fat than girls. Males want to be bigger and taller. It also may be that eating disorders in males are under diagnosed and underreported since they are known as female disorders.

    Whatever the reasons, it is important to know that males do use food to cope with emotional difficulties. For more information about eating disorders in general, refer to other articles in this section.

  • Recognizing a Panic Attack

    I stood at the top of the ski slope and looked down. There was no way I was going to get down the mountain. The slope of the vertical drop was frightening. I was convinced I would be seriously injured if I had to ski down that run. But I was stuck. I had to get down. Panic overwhelmed me. I started to feel terror, then dread. I couldn’t breathe. My heart was pounding and I felt like I was choking. Dizzy, I sat down on my skis.

    I knew I was starting to panic and had to get control of my thoughts and physical symptoms. Deep breathing techniques were familiar to me as I taught them to my patients. I prayed and shifted my thoughts to God. I visualized God accompanying me down the slope and getting me to the bottom safely. A plan was needed. There is always a way out, I told myself.

    Eventually, I did get off that mountain. By calming myself down after having a brief panic attack and problem solving, I reached the foot of the slope. My strategy was to move to the far side of the run where the snow was less packed down and more controllable. Then I would slide down on my bottom. Very slowly and gradually, I made progress down the hill.

    If you’ve ever experienced a panic attack, you feel like you are going to die, lose control or freak out.  Your thought is to get out of the situation. There is a sudden and intense fear that can last minutes or even hours. During that time, you experience at least four of 13 identified complaints:

    • Pounding heart
    • Sweating
    • Shaking
    • Shortness of breath
    • Feelings of choking
    • Chest pain
    • Nausea
    • Dizziness or fainting
    • Feeling detached from your body
    • Fear of losing control
    • Fear of dying
    • Numbness
    • Chills or hot flashes

    Panic attacks can be brought on by specific events or happen out of the blue. For example, large dogs can easily frighten small children. If a dog snaps at a child, this can frighten the child. The next time the child sees a large dog, he may anticipate something bad happening to him that he can’t control. This fear can lead to panic whenever the dog comes near the child.

    Some people are frightened by heights and begin to panic when atop a tall building. Others may have fears of flying or being in confined spaces. There are a number of situations that can bring on panic. At times you can identify the source immediately (e.g., the dog). Other times you feel panicked and don’t know why.

    If you find yourself experiencing the symptoms listed above on a regular basis, you may suffer from panic attacks. Don’t wait, Get help. Worrying about having these attacks and then having them is an unsettling way to live. There are treatments and spiritual helps that can reduce and stop these attacks. One of the major treatments is a type of therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy along with relaxation. Panic can be overcome.

  • Ask Dr. Linda: Husband Lost Job. Will it impact the kids?

    My husband recently lost his job and money is tight. I know I have been more irritable and on edge because of the financial stress we feel. Do kids pick up on this and if so, how do we talk to them about what is happening. Our kids are ages five, seven and nine.

     

    When the economy takes a down turn or jobs are lost, adults get anxious and often pass that anxiety on to their children. So it is important to first deal with your own anxiety. Scripture teaches that God is our provider and will not abandon us in times of difficulty. We are to be anxious about nothing and not worry about tomorrow. This doesn’t mean we pretend things aren’t difficult, but rather that we know the source of our help and strength.

    Once you are calm and reassured of God’s provision, talk to your children openly and honestly, but with reassurance and a plan. The most important thing to convey is that they will be taken care of and your family will make it through this difficult time. Make the explanation about tough economic times age-appropriate. Tell your children that daddy is looking for a new job.

    In the meantime, you will need to cut back on some of your wants versus needs. For example, we will not eat out as much, be more careful on buying things we don’t need, etc. These changes won’t be forever, but for a while. Younger kids simply need reassurance.  The nine-year-old may ask more questions. If so, talk about job changes and the importance of saving for unpredictable times. This is a wonderful opportunity to build faith and teach about God’s provisions. Children need to know that God promises to be with us and meet our needs. Also, pray as a family, giving thanks for what you do have and making your requests known to God.  Gratitude is a powerful protector against stress. In sum, put your trust in God, make wise decisions and be creative with family fun that doesn’t cost money.