Unexpressed anger can be at the root of depression. When we are angry and bury it inside, we put ourselves at risk. Anger must be acknowledged, appropriately expressed and let go. Madison’s story explains how this happens.
Madison received a phone call from her stepmother several weeks ago. Madison’s father was dying of cancer. The stepfather thought Madison should know even though Madison had not spoken to her father in years. Madison’s father had been physically abusive to her growing up. Madison had never dealt with her anger over the abuse. Now her father was dying. What kind of person was glad to hear such news! She felt like a monster. Depression set in.
Angry people do not always throw things or yell and scream. They may turn anger inward like Madison did and believe that if she directly expressed anger, she would be no different than her father. So instead, she pretended not to be angry. Her solution wasn’t working.
Over the years, I have worked with many people who believe anger is not an acceptable emotion because they have seen the emotion handled in ways that were out of control. However, anger is real and must be expressed in a way that releases it.
The abused part of Madison wanted her father dead. Another part of her struggled with such emotion. She never had the father she wanted. His death made that all the more real. It was all very confusing but in the end, compassion took over and she wanted to release the burden she carried for so many years.
She acknowledged her anger at her father and expressed that anger appropriately as we worked through it in therapy. Madison made a decision to forgive her father, not because he deserved it, but because she had been forgiven by God when she didn’t deserve it. Once she made these steps, the anger had no power over her and the depression lifted. Madison realized that even though her father no longer had control over her, the anger she held towards him was making her depressed. Freedom came when she released it all.