By now, you are probably aware of the on-going trial between celebrities Amber Heard, age 36, and Johnny Depp, age 58. The trial was sparked by a 2018 op-ed Heard wrote for the Washington Post about domestic violence. She never mentioned Depp by name. However, Depp filed a defamation lawsuit against Heard claiming she irreparably…
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Mother’s Day is hard for many people. Those who lost their moms, miss them tremendously. Others who had difficult relationships with their moms have mixed feelings on a day designed to honor her. If your mom is addicted, mentally ill or depressed, your relationship may be strained. And if you are someone who is struggling with infertility, Mother’s Day is especially hard as it reminds you of what is not happening in your life.
Given all these factors, moms are still important and why a conflicted relationship brings such emotional angst. Moms matter as the emotional back bone of families. So on a day designed for moms, we need to find ways to honor them. Most moms do their best. They aren’t perfect. And may even be troubled, but because of your mom, you exist.
As you think about your mom, remember the good things. Who held you when you scraped your knee? Was she there when you didn’t make the team and needed some encouragement? Did your mom defend you when others had it in for you? How about when mom just listened and helped you through a difficult time?
Moms sacrifice their time for us. They support dreams while at the same time are practical and tell us to wear clean underwear! And moms remain a part of our life even when they are gone. Their influences, words and actions stay with us for a lifetime. Even now, I laugh when I find myself repeating things my mom said or feel sad seeing something that reminds me of her.
My mom taught me how to be a woman whether I was conscious of this or not. Through the years, I have made some changes from her original influences, but have parts of her in me–her independence, strength, assertiveness and people skills.
So this year, make Mother’s Day special. Take some time to reflect on the good things that happened between you and your mom. Sure, there may be room for improvement, but most people have some good qualities that can be highlighted this holiday. If you dig deep enough, you can find positive parts of your relationship.
Find a way to honor her. Perhaps with a card, flowers, a special meal or a handmade gift. If your relationship is conflictual, extend the olive branch for a day and make her feel special. This is not a day about what one deserves or a score card on how well she did. It’s a day to say thank you and appreciate the difficulty of the job.
I like the Jewish proverb that says, “A mother understands what a child does not say.” It’s so true. My mom knew when something wasn’t right. She could tell when I was struggling or down. That incredible bond of living 17 or so years together made her attuned to me. She knows me and can challenge me when I need it.
For those of you with good to great moms, your expressions of thanks will be well received. Even with positive relationships, we all like to hear how our hard work paid off–at least once a year. My daughter writes me a card every year with special thoughts. I cherish those cards and have kept every one of them through the years. Because hey, moms have self-doubt, wonder if they did enough or said the right things. And we don’t get much credit for the job. So, whatever you can do to honor and encourage her, do it.
This year on Mother’s Day, we can hug, gather, kiss and be together. Hopefully, this will make it special again. Still, your challenge is to find ways to honor your mom and let her know she is special.
My daughter has a friend who suddenly had a panic attack. He became immobilized with anxiety. In fact, it was so severe that he had to stop walking and sit down. She called for help on what to do. If you are with someone who experiences a panic attack, here are some guidelines.
Before we begin, I do need to say that if someone has a history of heart problems or a serious medical condition, you should err on the safe side and seek immediate medical attention. They could be having a heart attack. Sometimes it can be difficult to tell the difference between panic and heart attack, especially if the person has never had panic before. Panic attacks do not cause heart attacks. However, on-going anxiety and stress are problematic over time. Panic symptoms usually come on suddenly and are typically over in several minutes.
Back to the friend who has no heart issues and is having a panic attack. Here is what you do.
While the Bible doesn’t name panic attacks, the psalmist seems to describe it well in Psalm 55.
“My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen on me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I said, ‘Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I would flee far away and stay in the desert.’”
Then he changes his focus. “As for me, I call to God, and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.” The writer ends the Psalm with a prescription, “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. But as for me, I trust in you.”
Because panic is based in perceived fear, remind yourself that perfect love, the love of God, casts out that fear. The psalmist acknowledged his feelings and accepted them. He didn’t ignore the panic, but did want to run from it. Instead, he faced it. He called out to God, replaced his fear with the truth of God’s presence and care and calmed down. This is a great model that can work for you. Breathe and focus on the goodness of God.
You are tired of his shoes being left at the side of the bed. You almost tripped over them getting up at night. It doesn’t take long for the argument to begin. “Why do you have to leave your stuff all over the place? Just put things away.” He glares at you and says, “Really?…
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To touch can be to give life,” Michelangelo
Touch is the first of the senses to develop. It remains emotionally important throughout our lives. And while touch can be negative, abusive or violating, positive touch is essential to so many areas of our lives.
However, for the past two years, we have been restricted in our touch due to the pandemic. Hugs, kisses and gestures of affection were all put on hold. We could not put our arm around someone who was grieving, have grandkids jump in our laps, or even greet one another with a handshake or kiss.
One thing was made clear from the pandemic. We took touch for granted. The loss of touch contributed to feeling lonely. And an increase in social media communication did not help. You can send your hug via words or an emoji, but it’s not the same as getting an actual hug. On-line communication cannot substitute for the warmth of a pat on the back or a hug of joy.
We need physical touch in our development and in our on-going relationships. We know that a lack of touch results in growth deprivation and developmental delays. Additionally, no touch makes people more aggressive. Touch calms you down.
Positive touch can lower blood pressure, help memory and improve emotions. It can decrease stress, help with pain and boost our immune system. Touch has also been shown to lower irritability and depression in those with dementia. And for you sports fan, one study showed that NBA basketball teams whose players touched each more, won more games!
When touch is missing, psychologists tell us this results in feelings of deprivation and abandonment. They label this “skin hunger.” This is because the brain is designed to touch. When we touch, the bonding hormone, oxytocin, is released and helps us feel attached to another person. Our mood is boosted due to the natural antidepressant serotonin. Pleasure is felt from the dopamine release. Basically, touch helps us relax and is a natural analgesic.
Positive touch is powerful in your relationships too. It has been shown to promote trust and generosity. Thus, one easy thing to do is increase positive touch in your relationships. Simple things can be done -giving hugs, holding hands, back rubs, and a touch on the arm or back when someone is in crisis or experiences loss.https://f92b5ad2d0e1fe98ff6b42f17db60622.safeframe.googlesyndication.com/safeframe/1-0-38/html/container.html
As I think about the importance of touch, I remember how Christ physically touched people he healed. It should be no surprise that the God who designed our bodies would place importance on human touch while on Earth. Throughout Christ’s time in ministry, he physically touched people. And his touch was given to those who were untouchable, like lepers and the unclean. His physical touch was an affirmation of a person’s value and dignity despite their condition.
The language of touch is scattered throughout the Bible. Physically and spiritually, we need God’s touch. When we are touched by God, we are changed. Bitterness, unforgiveness, anxiety and fear go away.
Jesus tells us that His touch will bring comfort and joy. He pulls us close to Him and invites us to sit on his knee like children. So, open your heart to both physical and spiritual touch that is safe and positive. It will change you for the better.
NOTE: If you have been touched in violating and abusive ways, get professional help today.