Dr. Linda Mintle

Category: Parenting Help

  • Teens and Wall Hangings

    Question: Do I have the right to tell my teen to take pictures off his wall?

    Dr Linda Helps – My 15-year-old son likes sexy pictures of half naked girls on his walls. His current girlfriend thinks these pictures are “hot” and has even given him a few. His dad and I find these pictures offensive and not appropriate on the walls of a Christian home. We know these images can’t be helping him deal with sexual temptation. He says we are overreacting and that we don’t have a right to judge. What do you think?

    Dr. Linda: I’m surprised that you even have to ask me this question given the fact that you already know the answer. If they are offensive and will cause sexual temptation, tell him to take them down and explain why. You are his parents and in charge of his moral training. Depicting women as sexual objects to be physically desired is neither honorable to women nor appropriate for a Christian teen. The fact that his girlfriend encourages this says something about her lack of moral standard, self-esteem and own view of women.

    Why is it that so many good Christian parents like you are afraid to take a stand with teens? You say you are afraid of telling him no and inciting rebellion when in reality, rebellion usually comes from lack of moral grounding and meaningful teaching in the home. Don’t just yell at him and tell him to take the pictures down. Explain what you know and believe—these pictures will not help him control sexual temptation (dad could have a lot to say here as a male) and that this is not a healthy way to depict women no matter what the culture and his girlfriend say. Women are not sexual objects to be adored and glorified.

    As far as your right to judge, his view is incorrect. You have every right to judge what comes in and out of your household. Can he go behind your back and see things elsewhere? Yes. But if you keep your relationship with him strong, discuss why things are problematic and teach from a moral and spiritual position, he will listen.

    Teens today live in a secularized culture and are repeatedly exposed to sex and violence. All the more reason you have to help teens sort out what is appropriate and inappropriate. They are teens. Not adults. They think they know things when they don’t. The key is to help them understand how exposure to certain things affects their spiritual life and moral decisions.

    Don’t be afraid to raise up a standard in your home. There are moral absolutes that must be taught no matter what the culture says.

    Your son is pushing the envelope. He needs limits and direction. He also needs parents who are loving but firm about appropriate behavior. Ask him to tell you how these pictures are helping his spiritual life, edifying women and helping him resist temptation. Most likely, he’ll come to the same conclusions as you.

  • Do Violent Video Games Really Harm Kids?


    Dr Linda Helps – Question: My mom and dad don’t want me to play violent video games. My friends say they are really fun and only entertainment. It seems everyone plays these games, and they aren’t shooting people at school. What’s the big deal?

    Dr. Linda: The big deal is that violent video games can lead to aggression. Studies support the idea that violent video games increase aggression and delinquency–two things you, your parents and friends should care about. Here’s what recent studies tell us about violent video games:

    · They aren’t just entertainment. If you play violent video games, you can think and act more aggressively. If you are male, you may even see the world as hostile after playing these games.

    · Violent video games can teach you violent ways to think.

    · Violent video games allow you to practice being violent.

    · If you practice violence in games, you can access this information for real-life situations.

    · The more knowledgeable you become about violence, the more it may affect your personality (not in a good way!).

    · There is a relationship between playing violent games and delinquent behavior. The more violent video games played, the more delinquent behavior occurred.

    · There is a relationship between playing a lot of video games (any games) and poor grades. More time playing games led to poor academic achievement.

    So the big deal is that we don’t know how much those games affect kids in terms of violence and shooting people. We do know that you are affected, and one effect is increased aggression. So why play these games?

    Let me also reassure you that not everyone is playing these games. Some parents have enough sense to know that putting violent images in the head of anyone is not a good idea. We think a lot of stuff doesn’t bother us when in truth it does. Listen to your parents. They aren’t trying to make your life miserable. They’re on to the potential dangers of these games. They probably want to do everything they can to prevent you from doing things that will hurt you. Sounds like you have great parents!

    Conclusions based on research published in April 2000 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, “Video games and aggressive thoughts, feelings, and behavior in the laboratory and in life”.

  • Is My Child ADHD?

    Formal evaluation by a multidisciplinary team helps determine AD/HD.

    Dr Linda Helps – Don’t guess when it comes to deciding if your child has AD/HD. Get a formal evaluation by a team trained to diagnosis the disorder. Evaluation should include a number of people who know and work with your child– licensed therapist, parents, teachers, health and mental health specialists.

    The main behaviors associated with AD/HD are poor attention and concentration, distractibility and impulsivity. Here is a list* of behaviors to help you determine if your child needs an evaluation:

    In school:

    · Poor organization

    · Shifting tasks

    · Daydreaming

    · Impression of not listening

    · Poor motivation

    · Messy work

    · Pushing

    · Interrupting others

    · Excessive talking

    · Fidgety

    · Difficulty remaining in seat

    At home:

    · Shifting tasks and not listening

    · Homework problems

    · Interrupting others

    · Accident prone

    · Running around and fidgety

    With peers:

    · Breaking game rules

    · Not listening to other children

    · Interrupting others

    · Grabbing objects

    · Dangerous play

    · Difficulty with quiet play

    Developmentally:

    · Hyperactivity and aggression in preschool

    · Academic and behavioral problems in school

    · Impulsive, bored and irritable as an adolescent

    These are behaviors associated with AD/HD. Keep in mind that these behaviors are usually noticed before the age of seven and interfere with school, home or social functioning. Not all AD/HD children show all these behaviors. And not everyone is AD/HD.

    Researchers at Stanford University have preliminary findings that suggest brain imaging scans of AD/HD children show different levels of activity in the frontal cortex of the brain. Gene research has also found an association of two specific genes. However, there is no blood test or other biochemical signals for AD/HD.

    Many AD/HD kids don’t feel good about themselves. They get easily frustrated and don’t tolerate difficulty well. They can be prone to temper outbursts and academic underachievement.

    Family members may be frustrated because they deny the problem or don’t understand it. Dealing with an AD/HD child can be trying if you don’t understand the basics. For example, telling your child to “calm down” won’t work.

    AD/HD explains why a child behaves the way he does. It does not excuse his/her behavior. Even with medication, he/she still needs to work on becoming a responsible and successful person.

    Find out as much as you can about this disorder. Work with a trained mental health professional to make an accurate diagnosis and outline a treatment plan. There is so much that can be done to help children once the disorder is recognized. This is not a life sentence for problems.

    *List adapted from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV

  • Postpartum Mood Disorders

    Postpartum mood disorders are treatable–Support, medications, hormones, other helps are available.

    Dr Linda Helps – If you’ve ever dealt with a postpartum mood disorder, you know what a frightening and sometimes shameful experience it can be. One moment, you are happy, the next crying. Some days are great. Other days are met with confusion and hopelessness. You may have thoughts about hurting your baby or have panic attacks that feel like you are dying. You may have bizarre fantasies like throwing your baby out the window or toasting her in the oven. Maybe you feel obsessed and check your baby’s crib every 15 minutes.

    Symptoms vary and range from mild blues to a severe form of the disorder called postpartum psychosis. It is rare but occurs in about one in a thousand women. Symptoms include hallucinations and delusions that sometimes place the safety of a baby in danger. Therefore, quick intervention is needed.

    Since the disorder has a psychological component as well as hormonal and biochemical ones, what should a mother do who finds when gripped by this condition? In the past, women have suffered in silence, feeling horrible and ashamed. Others have been given advice like, “Drink a glass of wine or take a tranquilizer.” Today, although we don’t completely understand the causes of this disorder, we have treatment options.

    Support groups can help women deal with the psychological issues related to the disorder and possibly prevent recurrence. Group meeting provide a place for women to tell their stories and discharge guilt related to feeling less than ideal mothers. Hearing other women talk who experience similar symptoms is reassuring. You soon realize you are not alone. Group members usually share strategies to cope with negative thoughts, depression and anxious feelings.

    Physicians can offer antidepressants and mood stabilizers. According to Dr. Rex Gentry, a Bellevue hospital psychiatrist, research has not found any heightened risks for birth defects when pregnant women take Prozac, Paxil or older tricyclic antidepressants. He believes that if you weigh the developmental risks of a mother’s depression on the fetus, careful drug prescription used to stabilize mood disorder during pregnancy may be a safe prevention strategy.

    But breast-feeding women are not usually prescribed Prozac because it is metabolized more slowly and can accumulate in the baby’s liver. Also Lithium, often prescribed for bipolar disorder, is not prescribed for nursing women.

    A group of English and now American doctors are experimenting with progesterone and /or estrogen treatments given immediately following birth. The intent is to stabilize hormonal changes that might precipitate the disorder. Estrogen and progesterone rise to many times their normal levels before birth and then drop after delivery.

    Hormones changes are not the only explanation for these mood disorders since fathers and adoptive parents can also develop them. Researchers continue to look at factors like sleep deprivation, lack of social support, family history of depression, expectations and attitudes about new parenting and the baby’s temperament. The more we know, the better we can prevent the problem.

  • Is Beauty the Beast?

    Many girls struggle with body image disturbance. Parents can help correct those distortions.

    Dr Linda Helps – “I never thought about how magazines influence my feelings about my body. I look at the models and sometimes read the articles. I’m interested in fashion and want to stay in style. But lately I’ve been obsessing on different body parts. It seems no matter what I do, I don’t look like the models I see. I’ve been feeling depressed. My mom is worried because I started dieting. She says I’m not fat.”

    Many teens I see in therapy struggle with body image disturbance. Their bodies become their enemies—not good enough to win them acceptance or popularity. They falsely believe that a “killer” body is the key to love.

    Adolescence is a time girls reorganize internally while trying to conform externally. Their style has to be uniquely their own while conforming to a certain look. Girls are acutely aware of the physical appearance of other girls. Comparisons abound and are not limited to peers. The glamorized icons of pop culture set the standard. It is easy to feel less than perfect.

    Despite all the efforts of the women’s movement, girls still give others tremendous power over feelings of self-worth. Those who don’t have good self-esteem and lack self-worth are particularly susceptible to negative pressure from peers and media.

    While parents still constitute the single most important influence in the life of a teen, media influence. For many teens, media fill in the gap. For teens who don’t have strong parent connections, media become the teaching parent. Teens try to imitate attractive models whose photos have been airbrushed and computer altered. When they don’t match the glamorous photos they regularly stare at, dissatisfaction with the body results.

    Early on, girls learn the lesson that appearance matters. This message reinforced by magazines and other media is internalized and often leads to preoccupation with beauty and the perfect body. Salmons et al, (1988) conducted a school survey of children ages 11 to 13 years. Most girls worried about the shape of their stomachs and thighs. Other studies have documented the preoccupation of young girls with dieting despite the fact that they aren’t fat.

    Our culture says perfect bodies are to be worshipped. The American body has been glamorized to idol proportion. But parents can influence daughters to accept their imperfect bodies. Try these suggestions to help correct those distortions:

    · Educate your daughter about the use of computer altering, make-up, hairstylists and airbrushed photos in magazines. Teens need to know most people don’t look like those photos without a lot of extra help.

    · Compliment your daughters for things unrelated to beauty and looks.

    · Moms, don’t criticize your own body for its imperfections in front of your daughters and stop your endless dieting.

    · Help your daughter find her true identity in Christ by filling her with the Word so she finds her identity in Christ.

    · Work on the internal parts of her character development. Inner beauty goes a long way in life and doesn’t fade with age.

    · Limit exposure to unhealthy media images as much as possible.

    · Show your daughter how to maximize her physical appearance without becoming obsessive and spending hours on make-up and hair. Good grooming differs from obsessing.

    · Talk to daughters about the dangers of body image disturbance as a precursor to eating disorders.