Dr. Linda Mintle

Tag: stress

  • Desk Rage

    The work environment is now a place of unleashed rage for too many Americans. Yelling and verbal abuse can be heard down the hallways of various companies and industries. The response to that behavior is something the media has dubbed, “desk rage”. That’s right, you’ve heard of road rage, even air rage, now we have to contend with hostility and violence in the workplace called desk rage.

    From a psychological perspective, desk rage is simply rudeness, hostility, physical violence and aggression found in the workplace. A National Crime Victimization Survey (2000) found that Americans experienced approximately 2 million threats of violence and assaults at their workplace. Of that number, 1.5. million were simple assaults. And another study out of the University of North Carolina documented that at least half of the workers interviewed worried about rude and hostile behavior directed at them. This worry affected their work-related productiveness as well. Overall, revenue related to lost productivity, increased security, insurance related payment, and other expenses is estimated to cost employers between 6.4  and 36 billion dollars.

    What’s going on that so many Americans are going postal? It appears that desk rage is triggered by stress–boredom, anxiety, lack of control, demands of the job, overcrowding, noise, etc. And while employers are now trying to deal with the problem by finding solutions that decrease stress, such as more than flexible work hours or improved benefits, more is needed.  People have to learn anger management, ways to assert themselves positively and constructive ways to handle their negative emotions. In a nutshell, people need stress management. Here are ten tips taken from my Breaking Free from Stress booklet:

    1. Be ready and accepting of change. Change is inevitable in today’s work environment. Adjust your expectations. Be ready for it instead of resisting it.
    2. Don’t panic if you are laid off. With corporate downsizing, global market changes, outsourcing, etc. people lose their jobs even when they do well at their jobs. God has to be your ultimate source of provision.
    3. Get a quality education and explore fields that are growing such as technology and health. Skill development helps make you more marketable.
    4. Be a good steward of your finances. Don’t spend beyond your means or rack of credit card debt. Put money away for a difficult time.
    5. Maximize your work time. Be clear on what is expected so you know how you will be evaluated. Minimize distractions.
    6. Have integrity on the job. Do not compromise your beliefs and line up your behavior according to biblical directives. Anger management is biblical. Read what the Bible has to say about properly dealing with anger.
    7. Know what you can’t change and accept it.
    8. Be balanced. Have a life after work that involves relaxation, family, friends and a vibrant spiritual walk.
    9. Keep your humor. It relieves stress.
    10. Don’t easily take offense and offer forgiveness even when it isn’t requested.

    People in the workplace won’t always behave nicely or properly. You be the model of Christ. Your influence could make a difference. And if you need additional help, I suggest you pick up a copy of Breaking Free from Anger and Unforgiveness. Stress will never disappear but our reaction to it can be godly. Wouldn’t it be great if our stressed out co-workers came to us and said, “Hey, you are in the middle of all this craziness too. How do you manage it?” What an opportunity to talk about the peace of God, the fruit of the spirit and forgiveness.


  • Divorce Puts You At Risk for Illness

    Divorce is a traumatic event that no one enjoys experiencing. As a life stressor, divorce ranks number two, and martial separation ranks number three on the well-known Holmes and Rahe (1967) stress scale. Only death of a spouse ranks higher.

    Because the process of divorce is such a stressful transition time, you need to be aware of the effects it can have on your emotional and physical functioning. Marital separation is the most powerful predictor of emotional and physical illness. When you compare divorced adults to married adults, the health news is generally not good.

    Divorced adults are:

    · More susceptible to emotional and psychological problems

    · More likely to experience early death from a number of causes. For example, the death rate related to pneumonia is seven times higher among divorced versus married men.

    · Four times more likely to commit suicide if they are white and male

    · More likely to experience early health problems (especially men)

    · Ten times more likely to utilize inpatient or outpatient psychiatric services if they are male, and five times more likely if they are female

    So what do all these less than cheery statistics tell us? Pay attention to your physical and mental health if you are involved in a marital separation or divorce. You may want to join a support group or see a counselor to help you manage stress. Know the dangers to your physical and emotional functioning so you can prevent yourself from becoming one of the statistics. It is possible to come through the divorce process with a clearer sense of self and deeper reliance on God.

    Divorce is a transitional crisis that needs to be managed. It interrupts your family life cycle and often throws family members into chaos and turmoil for a period of time, usually up to three years. Emotional upheaval comes and goes. The challenge is finding a way to reorganize a disrupted family system. Key issues emerge depending on the phase of family development at which the divorce occurs (married, no children, preschool children, high school children, empty nesters, etc.).

    Just because divorce is common, don’t downplay the tremendous stress involved. This is a time to pay attention to your physical body and take inventory on how well you are coping with the stress involved. Don’t be afraid to talk with others and get professional help.

    Statistics taken from Brian Willats’ Breaking up is easy to do, available from the Michigan Family Forum.

  • Sources of Single Parent Stress

    Single parent families are more common today than intact nuclear families. Therefore, we need to be more in tune with the issues single parents face. A father, mother, grandparent, aunt, uncle or other family member can head these families.

    No matter who parents, all single parents face similar stress. In order to better support single parents, sources of stress should be identified. Support is a buffer against stress and can be offered by other parents, friends, churches and family members.

    So what are the unique challenges of being a single parent?

    · Single parents have no other parent to act as a buffer—someone to take the kids for a few hours, share discipline or talk through a difficult situation.

    One women recently shared her frustration of trying to help her four-year-old daughter deal with a soccer coach. The child felt the coach was mean. After a long day of carting children to sports activities and not being able to attend the daughter’s complete game, the mom didn’t know if her child was overreacting because she missed her dad, or whether the coach really was a problem. When married, the husband handled coaches. Exhausted from the day, unsure of what her daughter needed, she longed for someone to talk to about the coach or just take care of the situation. It was a small thing, but felt big at the end of a full day.

    · Single parents are solely responsible for the household. Some single parents carry the entire financial burden, others have to contend with partial or late payments, and still others deal with a lower standard of living because of dual child-rearing households. Single parents do it all–pay the bills, stay home for the cable guy, work on the car, help with homework, baths, whatever it takes to keep the household running. They are responsible for making sure everything works.

    · Single parents deal with on-going custody and visitation issues. The amount of stress in this area ranges from virtual none to severe depending on how cooperative parents are about these issues post divorce.

    · Parental conflict can continue long after a divorce. Couples are forced to work together for the good of their children. Some do a better job than others.

    · Because of work and household demands, there is usually less time for single parents to spend with children.

    · Single parents have to deal with the aftermath of divorce as it affects school performance and peer relationships.

    · Extended family relationships are disrupted because of divorce, and single parents must figure out how and if these relationships will continue.

    · Single parents have to contend with dating and new relationships. This can create problems if children are not ready to embrace new people into the family system.

    This list only touches on some of the issues single parents regularly face. It is easy for single parents to become overwhelmed because of all that is needed and expected. Single parents don’t want your pity or judgment. But can use your support. Pray for single parents, that God will give them the grace and strength to handle all that is before them.  Then offer your support in a tangible way—give them a few hours break, be available to talk, carpool kids, etc. A little help goes a long way.

  • Transition to Parenthood: Marital Friendship Reduces Stress

    The transition to parenthood, even when desired, is not easy for most couples. We know from previous research that marriages are vulnerable following the birth of a baby. Marital satisfaction usually decreases. Couples face more conflict and usually have less positive communication. The question then is what helps couples prevent this normal developmental change from becoming so stressful?

    Researchers Shapiro and Gottman attempted to find out by studying a group of couples who did and did not have children during the first six years of marriage. What they found reinforced previous research– wives who had children reported less marital satisfaction than wives who did not become parents. The lowered satisfaction rates for over half the wives occurred a year after birth. For a small percentage (15%), satisfaction decreased two years post-birth.

    Husbands who had children were also less satisfied with their marriages compared to those who did not have children. However, the difference between the two groups of husbands was not significant.

    The researchers also studied the group of couples who became parents but remained stable or increased on measures of marital satisfaction. What was different about these couples? What was it that helped buffer the stress of having a new baby?

    What they found was interesting. Marital friendship was key and included these two things: 1) Spouses had a level of awareness about their partner, his/her life and the couple relationship 2) Husbands admired and were fond of their wives. Marital friendship seemed to ward off the stress of transition to parenthood.

    So if you want to buffer your marital relationship from stress, build your friendship. Focus on things you admire and respect about your spouse. Get to know your spouses’ interests, go on dates, talk, have fun together and enjoy each others company.

    Like most friendships, the more time you spend getting to intimately know the person, the deeper the friendship can go. And in marriage, close friendship has a positive effect on countering stress.