Dr. Linda Mintle

Author: Dr. Linda

  • When Tiger Woods Became Like the Rest of Us

    Last Friday, you couldn’t turn on a television without seeing major coverage of Tiger Woods’ now famous apology. (I had my opportunity to chime in on CBN’s Newswatch that day as well.) I was fascinated by how this story captivated not only media, but everyday people going about their business. Everyone had an opinion. You didn’t have to be a golf enthusiast to follow the story.

    Tiger Woods represents the American dream, a hard working guy who made it big. Imaged as a wholesome family man, surrounded by adorable children and a beautiful wife, you just couldn’t help liking him. He didn’t make obnoxious statements of how great he was, endearing himself to many as a talented, cool guy who was a role model for kids. And Tiger got those of us who didn’t care about golf to actually watch the game! When it all came crashing down, and Tiger became one of us, we were so disappointed.

    Once again we learned the lesson: Tiger is just a man, broken, human, and struggling like the rest of humanity. Like all of us, Tiger was born into sin; and without the redemption of Christ, he will continue to struggle with temptation. That is a lesson media will not report because they don’t want to step on toes. I get that. From a secular point of view, any spirituality is viewed as helpful.

    In Buddhism, there is no transcendent creator who created the world. There is no Garden of Eden or fall of humanity in need of a personal Savior who can save and atone for sin. The world simply exists with no beginning and no ending. Life as we know it is full of an endless cycle of suffering, which is caused by attachments to and cravings for worldly pleasure. The self is nothing more than a delusion and is the cause of unhappiness. Suffering ends when cravings cease and all delusions are eliminated. When this is experienced, enlightenment is reached. Buddha, the enlightened one, shows the path to this awakening.

    Buddhism provides a way for people to engage in spirituality without having to contend with a personal God. Fate is believed to be in one’s control and growth comes through self-effort. At its core, Buddhism commits the original sin: to go one’s own way apart from God.

    So my continued prayer for Tiger Woods is that he will be transformed by the One who can truly change his life, mend his relationships, and heal his broken heart. We are all sinners in need of redemption whether we recognize this or not. What I saw in Tiger’s statement was a man who lost control of his life and is desperately trying to bring it back on course through self-effort. Like Brit Hume, I pray that he will one day encounter Christ and know what true surrender can bring to his life.

    Are you praying for Tiger? How did you respond to his apology?

    ~ Dr. Linda

  • Cherish the Gift You Already Have

    My children don’t know there is an American Girl Place shopping bag overstuffed with presents secretly stashed away in my bedroom closet. By the time December hits, I have a mountain of bargain finds, admired goodies and toys to die for tucked away on a shelf. My pre-planned efforts spread the financial burden throughout the year and help avoid the last minute holiday shopping rush.

    Sounds like a plan, right? Well something happened years ago that made me rethink my supposedly genius strategy.

    It was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, but I felt like a louse! As I gazed at the brilliantly wrapped packages, I was aghast! The tree looked bulimic due to my past. I slumped to the floor and grabbed hold of my man, “We have only two children. There’s enough here for ten!”

    One by one we started dismantling the swollen pile. This present can wait for a birthday, this one for next Christmas, this one for a special reward …finally the stack looked sensible.

    We made a decision. Christmas gifts were limited to three types: 1) A gift desired 2) Something needed 3) Something educational. Of course, our children hated the idea and hoped that we would eventually come to our senses. We haven’t but we’ve seen a change. No longer is Christmas an endless list of “wants.” As I listen to children move through the hallways of our home, I hear the chatter of “more”. Not only is the meaning of Christmas grossly distorted but materialism creates ungrateful kids. So instead of a new gaming system, take your kids to a soup kitchen and let them serve. Visit a homeless shelter or a hospital children’s ward and put things in perspective.

    I realize what I am saying isn’t new but we need a reminder and must examine our motives for this overindulgence. Is it related to guilt from being absent or unavailable, an attempt to communicate love, a competitive attitude with others, a way to garnish an identity and look successful, the worship of idols, a lack of self-restraint, and/or misguided thinking?

    As I watch kids quickly open disposable presents and throw them off to the side without even a thank you, I know something is very wrong. When little Suzie tells me Christmas was no fun because she didn’t get what she wanted, I think, the Grinch hasn’t stolen Christmas, our ungratefulness has. Christmas is about God giving His Son as a glorious gift to mankind. Don’t clutter that gift with so many others that the important gift becomes lost in the fray.

  • Singles: Naughty or Nice?


    “Hey, compared to the movies, I’m nice!”

    Dr Linda Helps – “I was married before so it’s unrealistic to expect me not to have sex.”

    “Everyone in the singles group sleeps around.”

    “I’m 40 years old and just want to be bad for awhile.”

    “I’m so inexperienced, it will be a problem.”

    “Surely God doesn’t expect me to go through life without sex.”

    “Sexual sin is not unforgivable.”

    “God made me sexual. It would be a cruel joke not to act on it.”

    “Is it realistic to be a virgin?”

    “We did everything but intercourse. I think that’s OK.”

    “We had oral sex. That doesn’t count.”

    “I know it’s wrong but…”

    “If you love someone sex is OK.”

    Raise your hand if you identify with any of these comments. They come from Christian singles. OK put your hand down and let’s talk. Many Christian singles (and married people for that matter) have lowered their sexual standards. They have allowed the thinking of the culture to seep into the church and their personal lives. As a result, sin gets redefined.

    Don’t compare your sexual behavior to that of Jerry Springer’s guests, soap opera stars, FRIENDS (TV or the real deal), your neighbors or your boss. Because if you do, you‘ll look like an angel.
    You need to compare your behavior to the Word of God. What does the Bible say about sex outside of marriage? It says don’t do it. We’ve got standards to uphold regardless of how out of date they may appear.

    God didn’t give us these standards to punish us or make us suffer. He created sex and is fully aware of the oneness of union that happens when two people become sexually involved. He knows that the oneness operates best in the context of marriage.

    Now I realize staying sexually pure is a tough thing to do in today’s climate. You are bombarded by sexual images and temptations daily. The amount of sexual material that you encounter just living your life gives new meaning to the idea of guarding your thoughts. It is an incredibly difficult task to guard your heart and mind.

    So prepare yourself to resist temptation. God wouldn’t ask you to do something and then not equip you to do it. It’s a tough assignment in today’s market to live up to biblical standards, but it’s not impossible.

  • Holiday Family Angst

    It’s that time of year again when most of us consider the trek home to join the family fun. For many, it’s a trip into dysfunction, raising anxiety levels. Family get-togethers can create holiday angst–a gift worth not giving!

    Most of my therapy discussion this time of year centers on helping people prepare for family get-togethers. My first piece of advice is this: do not idealize family relations. Unless you’ve all been in intensive therapy for a while, the family dance is not that different from years passed. Grandpa will still drink too much. Aunt Mary will be critical of the turkey. And Uncle Bob will be as obnoxious as ever. If you approach your family problems realistically, you can better prepare your reactions.

    Here are tips to prepare for holiday family encounters:

    1) Focus on your reaction. It is the only thing you can control. If you want change then don’t react the same way. For example, if Uncle Jim corners you ever year and lambastes you for your political views and you respond with anger that leads to a fight, try a new response like this, “Uncle Jim, I can see you feel strongly about your views. That’s great!” Don’t argue. Drop it and diffuse him.

    2) Ahead of the visit, identify the family patterns that usually cause you stress. Think of new ways to react to those patterns. For example, mom complains about your sister to you. Instead of talking with her about your sister like you usually do, say, “Mom you need to talk to my sister about this. I don’t want to be in the middle.” Keep redirecting her back to your sister no matter how enticing she makes the conversation. Get out of the middle of conflict. This is called being in a family triangle. You don’t want to be there!

    3) Set limits if there are serious family problems. For example, if there is a history of abuse, be clear about boundaries. Or if drinking gets out of hand, leave. You are not a child anymore. You can set appropriate boundaries. If they are crossed, confront the behavior and if necessary leave.

    4) Stay near by and not in your parents’ house. This is a strategy that has worked for many of my clients. You have more control when you can come and go. And you have time away to regroup and think about what is happening.

    5) Be a model of grace and forgiveness. If you are a Christian, you may have to extend both several times during a visit. This doesn’t mean you allow people to walk all over you. It means when people treat you poorly, address it, extend grace and forgive. Don’t wait for them to do so first.

    6) Finally, choose one thing you will do differently this year that will help make things better. Don’t try to change everything at once. Focus on one behavior. Small changes add up through the years.

  • Preventing Holiday Weight Gain

    It’s the holiday season! And as someone who has treated compulsive overeaters for years, I know how difficult this time of year can be. From Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day, food abounds–delightful treats, tempting sweets, beautifully arranged food baskets, and the always-welcomed to die for gourmet chocolates. It’s enough to send even the most controlled person into an eating frenzy!

    But of course this sumptuous time of year comes with a price—those extra pounds we all dread and fear. The big questions is, “Can I get through the holiday eating season without putting on the 5-10 pounds everyone talks about?” Forget the dream of a white Christmas, I’m hoping for a light Christmas!

    Good news (in addition to the birth of Christ)! Most people don’t gain all that extra weight. Researchers at the National Institutes of Health conducted a study two years ago and found that most people tend to gain about 1.05 pounds during the holiday eating season. Now don’t start diving into the fruitcake just yet. There is more to this wonderful story.

    Even though the gain is less than imagined, the weight is harder to lose. Why? Because we are less active during this time of year. Over time, that extra pound here and there contributes to a steady weight gain. And, if you are someone who is overweight (that would include half of Americans), the weight gain is usually worse than the predicted pound.

    So what does all this suggest? Pace yourself! You simply can’t give in to all the goodies that pass your office desk. Take a piece of the delicious stuff and move on. Stay active with exercise during this time and try these pound saving tips!

    • Don’t go hungry to party events. Drink a glass of water or eat a small piece of fruit before you go. A ravenous appetite makes it hard to resist the seductive presentation of holiday foods.

    • Find the vegetable tray and stay close to it. If you feel the urge to nibble, hang out next to the low cal options and nibble away!

    • Bring a low cal food item to an event. If you do, you know there will be a healthy choice.

    • Focus on people at the event and not the food. Try to mingle and be involve in conversation instead of isolating yourself at food tables.

    • Try not to eat because you feel uncomfortable or anxious. Food events are social events. Sometimes people eat to decrease anxiety. Prepare a strategy ahead of time to handle those anxious feelings. “If I begin to feel anxious or uncomfortable, I will…”

    • If you overdo it, don’t get crazy. Just regroup after the event and cut back at the next few meals. Too many people say, “Oh I really blew it so I might as well continue to eat.” That’s the wrong approach. Instead say, “OK I blew it but I can fix this. I’ll cut back on the next few meals.”