Dr. Linda Mintle

Blog

  • 5 Lifestyle Stress Questions

    What are you doing to reduce stress in your life?

    Stress is something we all experience. Your lifestyle can add to stress or it can help calm you down. What are you doing to reduce stress in your life? Evaluate your lifestyle by answering these five questions. Are there things you can change today that would make you feel better? The answer is probably,” Yes!”

    Five lifestyle questions to ask:

    1. Do I have effective ways of relaxing? We all need down time. Therefore, identify ways to relax and rejuvenate your body and mind. Relaxation isn’t something you do once a year on a cruise to the Bahamas (although this can’t hurt). Relaxing should be a regular, practiced part of your life. You need balance in all things. Even God rested on the seventh day! Relaxation keeps stress from building up and provides an avenue for releasing tension.

    2. Do I exercise regularly? So many of us know the importance of this but don’t do it. The benefits of exercise are enormous. Exercise can reduce muscle tension and frustration in addition to providing a host of medical helps. So why don’t we regularly exercise? Either we don’t have a moment to fit it in our day or we don’t enjoy it.  The solution is to make time and pick something you like. For example, I tried running. I gave it six months, did it six days a week and hated it. I am not a runner but put me on a pair of roller blades and I can have a good time. Find something you like–bike riding, dancing, skating, basketball, tennis, skiing, walking, ping pong–anything that gets you active and off that couch.

    3. Do I eat sensibly? I’m not talking dieting here. I’m asking if you eat good healthy foods that provide nutrition and health benefits. Do you skip meals, eat burgers in the car while talking on your cell phone, and find yourself at the drive-through regularly? Decrease your caffeine intake (can trigger panic), reduce salt, eat more organic and less processed foods, and eat foods that give energy and staying power. Get the vitamins and supplements you need, particularly B, C and calcium for women.

    4. How well do I manage my time? So many people spend energy on things that are unproductive or take too much of their time. Learn about time management and ways to maximize your efforts. If you are not meeting deadlines, procrastinate or obsess over a project, you need help. Some people have to learn to move things along, others to slow down and do things correctly. You only have so much time in a day so it is important to learn to prioritize and be realistic about goals.

    5. Do I get enough sleep? Sounds like a simple question but so many clients I see have terrible sleep habits. It is important to go to bed at a regular time and get into a sleep routine. This means start winding down a few hours before you go to sleep. Here’s an encouraging thought–sex usually helps people sleep (Use only if this morally applies!).

    Take a minute (don’t tell me you are too stressed!) and begin to ask these questions. Then, work on making simple but important lifestyle changes.

  • Desk Rage

    The work environment is now a place of unleashed rage for too many Americans. Yelling and verbal abuse can be heard down the hallways of various companies and industries. The response to that behavior is something the media has dubbed, “desk rage”. That’s right, you’ve heard of road rage, even air rage, now we have to contend with hostility and violence in the workplace called desk rage.

    From a psychological perspective, desk rage is simply rudeness, hostility, physical violence and aggression found in the workplace. A National Crime Victimization Survey (2000) found that Americans experienced approximately 2 million threats of violence and assaults at their workplace. Of that number, 1.5. million were simple assaults. And another study out of the University of North Carolina documented that at least half of the workers interviewed worried about rude and hostile behavior directed at them. This worry affected their work-related productiveness as well. Overall, revenue related to lost productivity, increased security, insurance related payment, and other expenses is estimated to cost employers between 6.4  and 36 billion dollars.

    What’s going on that so many Americans are going postal? It appears that desk rage is triggered by stress–boredom, anxiety, lack of control, demands of the job, overcrowding, noise, etc. And while employers are now trying to deal with the problem by finding solutions that decrease stress, such as more than flexible work hours or improved benefits, more is needed.  People have to learn anger management, ways to assert themselves positively and constructive ways to handle their negative emotions. In a nutshell, people need stress management. Here are ten tips taken from my Breaking Free from Stress booklet:

    1. Be ready and accepting of change. Change is inevitable in today’s work environment. Adjust your expectations. Be ready for it instead of resisting it.
    2. Don’t panic if you are laid off. With corporate downsizing, global market changes, outsourcing, etc. people lose their jobs even when they do well at their jobs. God has to be your ultimate source of provision.
    3. Get a quality education and explore fields that are growing such as technology and health. Skill development helps make you more marketable.
    4. Be a good steward of your finances. Don’t spend beyond your means or rack of credit card debt. Put money away for a difficult time.
    5. Maximize your work time. Be clear on what is expected so you know how you will be evaluated. Minimize distractions.
    6. Have integrity on the job. Do not compromise your beliefs and line up your behavior according to biblical directives. Anger management is biblical. Read what the Bible has to say about properly dealing with anger.
    7. Know what you can’t change and accept it.
    8. Be balanced. Have a life after work that involves relaxation, family, friends and a vibrant spiritual walk.
    9. Keep your humor. It relieves stress.
    10. Don’t easily take offense and offer forgiveness even when it isn’t requested.

    People in the workplace won’t always behave nicely or properly. You be the model of Christ. Your influence could make a difference. And if you need additional help, I suggest you pick up a copy of Breaking Free from Anger and Unforgiveness. Stress will never disappear but our reaction to it can be godly. Wouldn’t it be great if our stressed out co-workers came to us and said, “Hey, you are in the middle of all this craziness too. How do you manage it?” What an opportunity to talk about the peace of God, the fruit of the spirit and forgiveness.


  • Divorce Puts You At Risk for Illness

    Divorce is a traumatic event that no one enjoys experiencing. As a life stressor, divorce ranks number two, and martial separation ranks number three on the well-known Holmes and Rahe (1967) stress scale. Only death of a spouse ranks higher.

    Because the process of divorce is such a stressful transition time, you need to be aware of the effects it can have on your emotional and physical functioning. Marital separation is the most powerful predictor of emotional and physical illness. When you compare divorced adults to married adults, the health news is generally not good.

    Divorced adults are:

    · More susceptible to emotional and psychological problems

    · More likely to experience early death from a number of causes. For example, the death rate related to pneumonia is seven times higher among divorced versus married men.

    · Four times more likely to commit suicide if they are white and male

    · More likely to experience early health problems (especially men)

    · Ten times more likely to utilize inpatient or outpatient psychiatric services if they are male, and five times more likely if they are female

    So what do all these less than cheery statistics tell us? Pay attention to your physical and mental health if you are involved in a marital separation or divorce. You may want to join a support group or see a counselor to help you manage stress. Know the dangers to your physical and emotional functioning so you can prevent yourself from becoming one of the statistics. It is possible to come through the divorce process with a clearer sense of self and deeper reliance on God.

    Divorce is a transitional crisis that needs to be managed. It interrupts your family life cycle and often throws family members into chaos and turmoil for a period of time, usually up to three years. Emotional upheaval comes and goes. The challenge is finding a way to reorganize a disrupted family system. Key issues emerge depending on the phase of family development at which the divorce occurs (married, no children, preschool children, high school children, empty nesters, etc.).

    Just because divorce is common, don’t downplay the tremendous stress involved. This is a time to pay attention to your physical body and take inventory on how well you are coping with the stress involved. Don’t be afraid to talk with others and get professional help.

    Statistics taken from Brian Willats’ Breaking up is easy to do, available from the Michigan Family Forum.

  • Parent Coordinators for Divorced Families

    The judicial system has tried for years to help high conflict families resolve problems around divorce. Families with abuse, drug usage, alienation, blocked access to visitation and other inappropriate and dangerous behaviors usually need extra monitoring. The courts have struggled to find effective ways to help these difficult families.

    Currently there are judges, custody evaluators, guardians, divorce mediators, parent educators, counselors and more who try to see to it that the best interests of the children are being promoted when divorce happens. Even with this army of enforcers and helpers, some divorced parents slip through the cracks. As a result, the children suffer.

    Most professionals involved with a family lack the authority, access or clinical skills needed to be effective. For example, a judge can order parents to therapy, but parents can drop out as soon as they hear something they don’t like. Mediation can break down. Guardians have some authority but since they are typically lawyers, they have few clinical skills to deal with problematic families.

    In an effort to prevent more divorced couples from litigating when problems arise, another  professional has been added to the legal mix. They are called Parent Coordinators. Parent Coordinators are typically specialized therapists who are given limited authority by the court to intervene with high conflict families. They can be assigned to a family before or after divorce, or years later if a family litigates again. Unlike guardians, they are available to a family for years.

    The basic goal of a Parent Coordinator is to make sure court orders are enforced and parents have a workable parenting plan. Parents are assigned a Coordinator for six months to a year and can call on the Coordinator any time a parenting issue resurfaces. If a divorced parent decides to take more legal action, he/she must have at least two joint sessions with the Parent Coordinator prior to the action.

    Parent Coordinators are usually trained therapists (often marriage and family therapists) but they do not do psychotherapy. Since their services are court ordered, parents must comply and work on problems. Parent Coordinators teach conflict resolution skills, look for ways to reduce child stress and make sure parents have access to their children. All of this is written in a specific document called a Parenting Plan.

    In addition, Parent Coordinators can recommend services such as drug screens, parenting classes, therapy and more. They can modify visitation and charge parents for “no shows” or coming late to appointments.

    The use of Parent Coordinators is a growing trend. Several states have employed these professionals with the hope that high conflict families can be educated, more effectively monitored, mediated without using court time, and compliant to court orders.

  • Divorce: When The Odds Are Against You

    Mary looked at me and said, “There is no way I can face my husband in court. Since he filed for divorce, he holds all the power. He’s got more money, better attorneys and people willing to lie for him. He has maligned me unfairly and is now accusing me of things that are untrue. He is the one having an affair and left me. Why do I feel like I’m going to lose it all?”

    I reminded Mary of the story of David and Goliath-remember, bigger army, better battle gear, bigger guy who mocked and taunted the Israelites. It’s not just a story for kids. Goliath was a formidable enemy. David should have been minced meat. But he wasn’t. Why did David beat the giant? God was on His side.

    In II Kings 6, the great Syrian army surrounded the city of Elisha. When Elisha’s servant saw all the horses and chariots waiting to strike at them, he asked Elisha what they should do. Elisha’s response was, “Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them” (NKJV). Elisha saw the enemy, but knew God was on His side. He prayed for his young servant to open his eyes and see the horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha on the mountain.

    When you face a difficult situation like Mary, open your eyes to the fact that God is with you. His promise is to be on your side no matter who or what comes against you. God has given angels charge over you. Believe that God is present and on your side. If He is for us, no one can be against us.

    Mary’s challenge was to stay Godly in her response to her husband. In the natural she wanted to get revenge, expose his lies and ruin his reputation. She had every right.  But she chose the armor of God instead of the ways of the world. Instead of anger, revenge and ruin, she chose peace, righteousness, faith and the Word. She knew God would help her even though the odds were against her. She prayed. When she went into court that day, she pictured the angels keeping charge over her. She believed God would be her avenger and that justice would be served.

    You can operate in the same confidence as Mary. Be encouraged-God is on your side and will fight your battles for you. Go to him when you feel overwhelmed and need victory. Stand firm on His Word and believe He is there, ready to fight for you.