Dr. Linda Mintle

Blog

  • Stressed Out? Speak Up!

    “Sure I’ll cook for the spaghetti dinner.” “Yes I can baby-sit your children for the day.” “Yes, I can chair another committee.” “Since no one else will volunteer, I guess I’ll do it.” Do you ever find yourself saying these things and then realize you’ve taken on too much? You’ve committed to doing more than you can realistically handle. As a result, you are stressed and kicking yourself for not saying no.

    Too many of us take on too much because we don’t say “No”; we are afraid to speak up; don’t feel we have the right; need to please others; want to be loved for what we do; or think we have to be superwoman and do it all! Time to turn in your cape! Learn to say “No” and not feel guilty. You’ll reduce the stress in your life.

    Saying “No” to things requires assertiveness. Assertiveness is behavior that falls somewhere in the middle of giving in and aggressiveness. It is not giving in to the wants of others or keeping silent and expecting people to read your mind. It is also not yelling at people and demanding your way. It is a practiced skill that helps you manage stress. Contrary to popular thought, you don’t have to be angry to be assertive. In fact, I prefer you stay calm.

    There are two parts involved in being assertive: 1) know what you want 2) say it.  One of the reasons we don’t practice being assertive is because we don’t know what we want. We are wishy washy, unsure, and undefined. We allow others to manipulate us in to doing things and then feel resentful because we have too much to do. Or we feel guilty and don’t believe we have the right to speak up. We ask, “Who am I to say no?”

    You are someone important. You are also responsible for managing stress that comes your way. When you can do something about stress, take the initiative-speak up!  Know what you want and take a reasonable position. Do not feel guilty setting limits. Reduce stress by taking control where and when you can.

    Speak up and let your voice be heard. When you address problems as they occur, you won’t build up anger and hold on to things that can grow into resentment. Often times, this is the root of depression, anxiety and eating disorders. Many of my female patients have to be taught how to be assertive because it is a skill they never learned. It is also something that has to be practiced.

    The benefits from speaking up are improved physical and psychological health. Your relationships will improve and you will better manage stress. In addition, you will gain respect from people. They may not like your stance, but they will respect you for taking one.


  • Calming the Mind

    Stress affects people differently. Some carry stress in their physical bodies. Physical symptoms emerge and tense muscles result. Others are more stressed because of their thoughts. They worry and become anxious. For those of you who feel body tension, use physical techniques to relax your muscle. Deep Muscle Relaxation

    If stress originates more from your thoughts, you need cognitive strategies to help you relax. Two good ones are visualizing peaceful scenes and meditation. Now don’t get crazy on me and think I am about to embark on some New Age quest for serenity. I’m not talking about repeating mantras or engaging in transcendental meditation.

    Christians can mediate and visualize. The Bible even directs us to do so, “… whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things” (Phil 4:8, NKJV).

    All you do is focus your mind on things that bring peace and a sense of well-being. Think about God’s intense love for you. Meditation is prayer. When we pray and spend time with our heavenly Father, we feel better and less stressed. We have a Dad who has promised to take care of us and meet our needs. If that doesn’t lessen your stress, nothing will.

    I know that visualization and meditation have a bad rap because they are usually associated with New Age and Eastern religions. But Christians have an intimate relationship with an awesome God. You can think about His promises and mediate on His love. When you do, tension leaves and you feel refreshed in spirit and mind.

    When you feel stressed and tense, you can also visualize yourself in a quiet peaceful place. This is calming. Some people like to imagine themselves on a sunny beach with a gentle breeze, the smell of the ocean, clear skies and water. Other people find a mountain cabin in the snow to be a quiet calming place. Still others imagine basking eternally in the presence of Christ. It doesn’t matter what scene you choose, just think of something peaceful and try to engage all your senses in the scene. All this does is distract your anxious thoughts to a place of peace.

    The idea behind meditation and visualization is to clam your anxiety and bring you peace. We know that true peace comes from having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. One of His promises is to keep us in perfect peace if we keep our mind stayed on Him (Isaiah 26:3). God is the author of peace and serenity. Think about Him, His goodness, His love, and all He has done for you.

  • Do You Have Mom Stress?

    Mom stands for Mother On the Move

    You wake up at 6:30 a.m. and feed the baby. The two preschoolers, Jack and Jill, wake up. The baby cries. Jill needs her bottom wiped, and Jack has just spilled his milk trying to be mom’s big-boy helper. The baby is still screaming. Jill’s out of the bathroom and has fallen on the step. Now she’s screaming. Jack, the helper, is dragging her to the “bandage place.” The baby stops crying, you reach down and place the bandage on Jill’s scraped knee. For one moment, everyone is silent. You take a deep breath, and it starts again. Jack is jumping up and down yelling, “The baby spit up all over mommy’s clothes.” He seems to be enjoying this! You look at your watch. You’ve only been up for an hour! Twenty-three more to go! Mom-stress is a way of life.

    You probably don’t know whether to laugh or cry if this is your life. I suggest you laugh because humor helps with stress. Mom-stress is a part of mothering. There never seems to be enough of us to go around. By the end of the day, sleep is our only friend.

    Being a mom is highly rewarding, but let’s admit it, it’s also stressful. Moms play multiple roles in a day–cook, taxi driver, homework monitor, nurse, emotional soother, etc. We run from thing to thing, never really having the time to complete anything well. We give so much of ourselves that we often don’t pay attention to our own bodies and to our need for revitalization.

    Stop what you are doing and look at this checklist. If you can’t check these things, you need a break. You can only go on empty so long.

    I have one hour to myself a day. I know this sounds impossible but take it. Pass off the kids to your spouse. Lock your door for 15 minutes. Sit in your closet and just think. Rest while the baby naps. Do something.

    I don’t have to live in a perfect house. OK – so your mother starched the kids’ shoelaces—who says you have to do the same? Learn to live with imperfection knowing that the day of clean houses will return in later years.

    I can say no. You don’t have to be superwoman and do everything you are asked to do. Tell the room mother you can’t bake those dozen cupcakes this week. Don’t apologize for setting limits.

    I am calm with my kids. A sure sign of stress is you yelling at everyone. If you are anxious, wound up and irritable, it’s time to take a walk. Get out of the house for a minute or get a sitter for an hour.

    I am enjoying my children. If all you can think about is the day they leave home, something needs to change. Maybe you have too much going on. You may need to re-think your priorities and scale down your activities.

    Don’t forget that under every mom is a woman in hiding. Find her and let her out once in awhile. She’ll help relieve mom-stress.

  • Managing Job Stress

    Competing in the global market has brought change to American industry. More Americans are working harder and longer hours just to maintain their current standard of living. Yet, many still contend with the real possibility of losing jobs and the fear of not making ends meet on their current salaries. American workers are experiencing a loss of control and feelings of hopelessness. If these things are causing stress in your life, here are some tips to help you deal with it.

    Stressed on the job? Workers are paying an enormous price. Social life and family life are disrupted. Physical health and psychological health are compromised. According to Steve Sauter, Ph.D., chief of the applied psychological and ergonomics branch of NIOSH (National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health), more jobs have been lost in the past few years, than in the two previous decades.

    Are downsizing and wage inequality sources of job stress? You bet. People fear losing their jobs, and they worry about their performances.

    Too many leave work feeling drained and used up. Obviously, this leaves little to give to others, particularly family.

    Consider the fact that a third to a quarter of workers experience high job stress. One of the biggest problems has been the number of hours people work. The average workweek has increased by eight percent. Most people work about 47 hours, with 20 percent of the population working up to 49 hours a week. Even though people are working harder and longer, they still contend with the real possibility of losing jobs and the fear of not making ends meet on their current salaries.

    Competing in the global market has brought change to American industry. Some would say the biggest change is an unequal distribution of wealth and income. Consequently, people work harder just to maintain their current standard of living. Many find themselves always behind and stressed.

    As a result of these circumstances, workers experience a loss of control and a feeling of hopelessness about the future. This is stressful.

    So, what can you do to manage job stress?

    Acknowledge that changes are occurring. Companies are downsizing and global markets are making competition for jobs more intense. Change is inevitable, and you need to be ready for it.

    Don’t panic if you are laid off. God is your provider, not a company or person. Be faithful in your response to the situation and trust God to lead you to the next job. Do all you can to seek employment and depend on God to act on your behalf.

    Get a quality education. People who are college-educated do better in this economy.

    Be a good steward of all you have. Don’t spend beyond your means, and don’t go into debt. Put aside savings for difficult times.

    Maximize your work time. Don’t waste time on unimportant things. Get a clear description of what is expected and how you will be evaluated.

    Be of integrity on the job. If you read the Scriptures, you will see that God wants to bless you and provide for you. Line up your life in accordance to God’s Word and be strong in your faith. Believe what God says about finances and act according to his principles.

    Understand what you can and cannot change. Work on the “can” part.

    Practice stress management skills. Leave the job at the job so that you can give full attention to your family, spouse and your physical, emotional and spiritual health.

    Maintain a sense of humor. Humor relieves stress and can help you enjoy the workplace.


  • Smokers More Stressed Than NonSmokers

    You may think smoking relaxes you. Think again! Smokers are more stressed than nonsmokers.

    Have you ever said this, “I smoke because it calms me down. I need cigarettes to relax me?” You may be surprised to learn that this is NOT true. Smoking doesn’t calm you or relieve stress like you may think.  In fact, smokers have higher rates of stress than nonsmokers. Why? Nicotine dependency actually exacerbates stress.

    Yet 80% of smokers surveyed actually believe smoking relaxes them. Since we know that nicotine doesn’t calm people (it is not a sedative), it may be that the lack of nicotine between smokes is what makes a regular smoker irritable and stressed. In other words, irritability and stress build up during periods of the day when you don’t smoke. Smoking only reverses the tension and irritability built up during nicotine abstinence. As you withdraw from nicotine between smokes, you feel the irritability. Smoking stops that temporary nicotine withdrawal.

    In a study by Parrott & Garnham (1998), smoker stress was found to be the same as nonsmokers. During periods of nicotine abstinence, however, smokers actually had worse stress levels. So instead of reducing anxiety, smoking may cause more.

    Now your saying, “OK but when I quit, I am more stressed.” Again, not so. According to research, quitting reduces stress.  No studies found former smokers more stressed than those who continued to smoke. What was noted (Hughes, 1992) was that in the first few days after quitting, people have more anger, anxiety and restlessness. Two weeks later, people settle down and eventually report improved mood.

    So the next time you hear someone say, “Smoking relaxes me,” tell him he’s misinformed. Not only is nicotine highly addictive but it can create stress as well. Hopefully, this will give you and others another good reason to stop smoking.

    Parrott, A.C. & Garnham, N.J. (1998). Comparative mood states and cognitive skills of cigarette smokers, deprived smokers and nonsmokers. Human Psychopharmacology, 13, 367-376.

    Hughes, J.R. (1992). Tobacco withdrawal in self-quitters. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 60, 689-697.