Dr. Linda Mintle

Blog

  • Self-Control

    How can my relationship with God help me gain control over my eating?

    Dr Linda Helps – Self-control is not heavily promoted in our culture. We are encouraged to self-indulge rather than exercise restraint. We are told to buy that expensive car even if we can’t afford it. It will make us feel important. Or treat ourselves to a night out. After all, we deserve it. If we feel love, have sex because the moment may be lost forever. But nowhere is self-indulgence more promoted than with food!

    How do you exercise self-control anyway? Our hope is in God who promised we can have self-control. Galatians 5:22 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” According to this verse, love is the fruit. Fruit comes from a seed. The seed is the Word of God. You plant the seed (the Word) in your heart first. The result of knowing and believing God’s Word is love, or said another way, the result of planting the seed is fruit (love). God’s love then produces self-control.

    Because we love God, we want to please Him and keep His commands. As we bring ourselves into obedience to His plan, His way of living and His will, these things produce self-discipline. Self-discipline entails practicing self-control in all areas of our lives. This may mean changing your behavior and addressing areas you previously denied or numbed out with food. As we practice self-control and please God with our lifestyles, He gives us supernatural control. Then it is possible to be self-disciplined with food. Remember when we are weak, He makes us strong.

    The idea here is that in the natural it is hard to exercise self-control over many things in our lives. We try, but it is a struggle. As we understand all the issues involved in overeating, it helps us see why self-control is so hard. Without God helping us, failure is predictable. When we bring all our behavior and motivations into alignment with God’s Word and let Him drive the car, we get to the destination—self-control in all things.

    So work on all your issues associated with overeating but don’t neglect filling yourself up with God’s Word. It produces love, which produces self-control. God’s love is the secret ingredient. It’s what changes us from striving to overcoming.

  • Is My Child ADHD?

    Formal evaluation by a multidisciplinary team helps determine AD/HD.

    Dr Linda Helps – Don’t guess when it comes to deciding if your child has AD/HD. Get a formal evaluation by a team trained to diagnosis the disorder. Evaluation should include a number of people who know and work with your child– licensed therapist, parents, teachers, health and mental health specialists.

    The main behaviors associated with AD/HD are poor attention and concentration, distractibility and impulsivity. Here is a list* of behaviors to help you determine if your child needs an evaluation:

    In school:

    · Poor organization

    · Shifting tasks

    · Daydreaming

    · Impression of not listening

    · Poor motivation

    · Messy work

    · Pushing

    · Interrupting others

    · Excessive talking

    · Fidgety

    · Difficulty remaining in seat

    At home:

    · Shifting tasks and not listening

    · Homework problems

    · Interrupting others

    · Accident prone

    · Running around and fidgety

    With peers:

    · Breaking game rules

    · Not listening to other children

    · Interrupting others

    · Grabbing objects

    · Dangerous play

    · Difficulty with quiet play

    Developmentally:

    · Hyperactivity and aggression in preschool

    · Academic and behavioral problems in school

    · Impulsive, bored and irritable as an adolescent

    These are behaviors associated with AD/HD. Keep in mind that these behaviors are usually noticed before the age of seven and interfere with school, home or social functioning. Not all AD/HD children show all these behaviors. And not everyone is AD/HD.

    Researchers at Stanford University have preliminary findings that suggest brain imaging scans of AD/HD children show different levels of activity in the frontal cortex of the brain. Gene research has also found an association of two specific genes. However, there is no blood test or other biochemical signals for AD/HD.

    Many AD/HD kids don’t feel good about themselves. They get easily frustrated and don’t tolerate difficulty well. They can be prone to temper outbursts and academic underachievement.

    Family members may be frustrated because they deny the problem or don’t understand it. Dealing with an AD/HD child can be trying if you don’t understand the basics. For example, telling your child to “calm down” won’t work.

    AD/HD explains why a child behaves the way he does. It does not excuse his/her behavior. Even with medication, he/she still needs to work on becoming a responsible and successful person.

    Find out as much as you can about this disorder. Work with a trained mental health professional to make an accurate diagnosis and outline a treatment plan. There is so much that can be done to help children once the disorder is recognized. This is not a life sentence for problems.

    *List adapted from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV

  • Help for Rape Victims

    Healing is usually a process that involves several stages.

    Dr Linda Helps – Rape is a horrible act of violence against another human being. Someone who has been attacked and violated this way usually suffers severe anxiety and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Acute symptoms of PTSD—nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts of the trauma, feelings of detachment, sleeplessness, hypervigilance, anger, concentration problems, and more—occur in 46% of women who are raped and 65% of men (Networker, July/August 1996).

    It is not uncommon for a rape victim to be afraid to be alone, have panic attacks, be emotionally reactive, withdraw from others, be afraid to trust, have sexual difficulties, and become depressed or highly fearful. But healing is possible.

    Healing is usually a process that involves several stages. First the rape victim must deal with the shock of the event. Usually there is disbelief, fear and anxiety. Victims often wonder if they should report the abuse and are fearful this violation could happen again. If the rapist is still at large, fear about safety is even more intensified. Many also replay the event thinking they could have somehow stopped it. This is a lie.

    Once rape is reported, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by all the medical and legal questions asked. These questions raise feelings of embarrassment, confusion, helplessness and shame. It is helpful to work with a counselor who can sort out these feelings and support you through this overwhelming time.

    The next stage usually involves denial and efforts to push the trauma out of the mind. Victims want their lives to return to “normal” and feel in control of life again. But the reality of the trauma must be confronted for healing to occur.

    When the person is ready, the rape must be confronted. Counseling and support groups help tremendously during this time because confronting the reality of rape is a painful experience. It usually intensifies symptoms. This can be frightening if you don’t know how to manage the symptoms or believe you can be free from the symptoms managing you.

    In addition, rape victims struggle with guilt and anger and need guidance from someone qualified to work with trauma. Women who get medical, psychological and spiritual help usually do better than women who try to cope alone.

    The final stage is when the person has grappled with all aspects of the rape and begins to move on with life. The harsh reality of the event no longer dominates the person’s life. He/she has worked through forgiveness of the rapist and understands the violation does not define who he/she is. Safety issues have been addressed and the person begins to reorganize his/her life.

    The healing process is different for everyone based on the unique aspects of each case. If you were raped and had other psychological issues, the rape can intensify those problems as well. If you keep the rape a secret, symptoms will surface later in your life. Healing is possible with God who promises to restore what was taken. Move through the process and reclaim your life.

  • Postpartum Mood Disorders

    Postpartum mood disorders are treatable–Support, medications, hormones, other helps are available.

    Dr Linda Helps – If you’ve ever dealt with a postpartum mood disorder, you know what a frightening and sometimes shameful experience it can be. One moment, you are happy, the next crying. Some days are great. Other days are met with confusion and hopelessness. You may have thoughts about hurting your baby or have panic attacks that feel like you are dying. You may have bizarre fantasies like throwing your baby out the window or toasting her in the oven. Maybe you feel obsessed and check your baby’s crib every 15 minutes.

    Symptoms vary and range from mild blues to a severe form of the disorder called postpartum psychosis. It is rare but occurs in about one in a thousand women. Symptoms include hallucinations and delusions that sometimes place the safety of a baby in danger. Therefore, quick intervention is needed.

    Since the disorder has a psychological component as well as hormonal and biochemical ones, what should a mother do who finds when gripped by this condition? In the past, women have suffered in silence, feeling horrible and ashamed. Others have been given advice like, “Drink a glass of wine or take a tranquilizer.” Today, although we don’t completely understand the causes of this disorder, we have treatment options.

    Support groups can help women deal with the psychological issues related to the disorder and possibly prevent recurrence. Group meeting provide a place for women to tell their stories and discharge guilt related to feeling less than ideal mothers. Hearing other women talk who experience similar symptoms is reassuring. You soon realize you are not alone. Group members usually share strategies to cope with negative thoughts, depression and anxious feelings.

    Physicians can offer antidepressants and mood stabilizers. According to Dr. Rex Gentry, a Bellevue hospital psychiatrist, research has not found any heightened risks for birth defects when pregnant women take Prozac, Paxil or older tricyclic antidepressants. He believes that if you weigh the developmental risks of a mother’s depression on the fetus, careful drug prescription used to stabilize mood disorder during pregnancy may be a safe prevention strategy.

    But breast-feeding women are not usually prescribed Prozac because it is metabolized more slowly and can accumulate in the baby’s liver. Also Lithium, often prescribed for bipolar disorder, is not prescribed for nursing women.

    A group of English and now American doctors are experimenting with progesterone and /or estrogen treatments given immediately following birth. The intent is to stabilize hormonal changes that might precipitate the disorder. Estrogen and progesterone rise to many times their normal levels before birth and then drop after delivery.

    Hormones changes are not the only explanation for these mood disorders since fathers and adoptive parents can also develop them. Researchers continue to look at factors like sleep deprivation, lack of social support, family history of depression, expectations and attitudes about new parenting and the baby’s temperament. The more we know, the better we can prevent the problem.

  • Marriage: What We Learn from Hosea

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    Couple unhappiness can be remedied!

    Dr Linda Helps – Too many couples divorce over fixable problems. When I talk about fixable problems I am referring to couples who stop liking each other, grow apart and refuse to work on their marriages. Today, Christian couples have allowed their unhappiness to become an acceptable reason for divorce.

    After seeing hundreds of couples in marital therapy over my 20 years in clinical practice, I can’t deny the growing numbers of people dissatisfied with their relationships and even hostile towards their once chosen mates. Relationship pain is real and hurts. However, an escape plan is not the answer. Couple unhappiness can be remedied. But, it takes work, perhaps even counseling.

    The Bible clearly establishes God in covenant with His people. He then uses this covenant as a model for marriage. Both are defined as an unbreakable promise. The Bible is full of difficult covenant relationships in need of reconciliation. In fact, the most unusual is Hosea and Gomer. God instructs His prophet, Hosea to marry Gomer, “a wife of harlotry” (Hosea 1:2). During this period in history, God is disgusted with His people for their unfaithfulness and idolatry. The marriage of Gomer and Hosea, a symbolic and real act, deals with broken covenant and God’s desire to restore. Hosea endures the emotional pain of spouse betrayal, works through the restoration process and redeems the woman who has wronged him.

    More couples could learn from the Hosea story. Sin is acknowledged, repentance happens, emotional pain is embraced and the couple eventually transformed. The power of God’s redemption is once again revealed.

    An application of this powerful story is that healing is possible even when couples have a “biblical out.” Restoration and reconciliation are repeated biblical themes. Through out history God goes to extreme measures to woo his chosen and win back their hearts.
    Sadly God’s covenant, whether in relationship with Him or marriage, is constantly challenged by our idolatry, adultery and rejection. We easily complain, feel abandoned when prayer isn’t immediately answered and become distracted by things that pull us away from intimacy. Then, like in our marriages, we stare into space, feeling numb and wonder, “What happened? I don’t feel intimate or connected.” Emotional distance ensues, a predictor of relationship breakup.

    In my book Divorce Proofing Your Marriage, I expose ten common lies people embrace that eventually leads to divorce. This book confronts our thoughts, beliefs and assumptions that influence how we behave and the choices we make. So if you want to strengthen your marriage or stop the slippery slide to divorce, first check your thoughts and ask, “Are my thoughts reflective of the secular culture or the Bible?” You may be surprised how far your thinking has strayed from the Bible’s restorative theme.

    Here’s a brief overview of the 10 lies that lead to divorce. Do your own self-check.

    Lie #1: Marriage is a contract. Yes marriage is a legal contract but in God’s eyes it is much more. The truth is marriage is a covenant, an unbreakable promise. It is life commitment. It means “for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” It means loving someone when you don’t feel like it, staying faithful and working through difficulty and bad times.

    Lie #2: I married you, not your family. The truth is you don’t marry just your spouse; you get her family as a package deal! Don’t kid yourself and think the outlawed in-laws don’t matter. Your spouse grew up in a family that taught her how to be who she is today. Yes, there are other influences and people can change, but family is a primary force in the development of any individual.

    Lie #3: I can change my spouse. Wrong! The fact that she’s continually late or her apartment is a mess is not likely to change because of your undying love. Pay attention to the red flags you see during the dating relationship, especially the more serious ones like drinking too much, violent temper, promise breaking, etc. Chances are these things won’t improve but worsen after the honeymoon is over. The truth–all you have control over is your reaction to your spouse–that’s the only part you can change.

    Lies #4: We are too different. Differences are not a major problem as long as the differences are not about life values and morals. Incompatibility doesn’t kill a relationship. The real issue is how you handle your differences. You need compatible styles that work for both people. Some differences are unsolvable and couples need to learn to accept those. And the Bible gives clear guidelines on how to deal with conflict in a Christ-like way.

    Lie #5: I’ve lost that loving feeling and it’s gone, gone, gone! Intense passion doesn’t last forever but love can stay for a lifetime. You may not always feel love but you must determine to love your partner as yourself. The loving feeling dwindles when couples lock into negative patterns that lead them away from each other. Criticism moves to contempt and highly defensive behavior that eventually leads to emotional distance. The truth is you can restore that loving feeling with a number of changes. One is to make five positive statements to your spouse for every negative one. Other changes focus on building friendship and support. I don’t doubt when men tell me they no longer feel love for their wives. I just want them to understand that loving feelings can be rekindled.

    Lie #6: A more traditional marriage will save us. Out of frustration, many men feel that if their relationship could be more like the Brady Bunch couple, life would be happier. They are confused about gender roles and responsibilities. Submission is a misunderstood and often abused concept. God’s intention for marriage is gender equality. On two occasions, God revealed His will on earth concerning gender–in the Garden and in the life of Christ. Look to those examples of how men and women should interact. You will find that no matter how you negotiate the relationship, you need mutual submission, respect, honor, empowerment and empathy.

    Lie #7: I can’t change–this is who I am: take it or leave it. An unwillingness to change is rooted in rebellion. It’s doing things your way versus God’s. To say you can’t change obviates the entire Christian experience of salvation and change of heart. Yes, we are always striving for perfection but the operative phrase is that we should be striving. This requires a willingness to look at your behavior and work towards being more like Christ. If both spouses in marriage would do this regularly, divorce would be less prevalent. Change doesn’t happen when you don’t embrace it. You can change but it requires desire, obedience and Holy Spirit driven power.

    Lie #8: There’s been an affair. We need to divorce. Affairs are serious and damaging but they are not beyond repair if both spouses agree to try. There must be a commitment to cut off the affair, a time of repentance, forgiveness and a rebuilding of the relationship. The covenant has been broken but can be restored if a couple chooses to do so. It’s not easy but possible.

    Lie #9: It doesn’t matter what I do: God will forgive me. God will forgive you if you repent but it does matter what you do. Your behavior has natural, as well as spiritual consequences so don’t cheapen God’s grace.

    Lie #10: It’s too broken. Nothing can fix this relationship. If you’ve given up, the future looks hopeless, you’ve grown apart, can’t manage conflict, made a mistake or whatever the problem, believe that God can work when you can’t. He can change hearts, do miracles and work in the most difficult circumstances. He is the God of the possible. Draw close to Him, intercede for your marriage, do battle with your true enemy (Satan) and expect God to work on your behalf.

    If you and your partner stay intimately connected to God, your marriage will reflect that intimacy. Divorce doesn’t have to happen. Recognize the cultural lies that influence you and counteract them with biblical truth. No marriage is beyond the probability of divorce but you can be proactive in preventing it. It’s time to improve on the divorce statistics and divorce proof your marriage.