Dr. Linda Mintle

Blog

  • Single, Not Diseased!

    Being single is not a diseased state. It can be a desired state.

    Dr Linda Helps – ——————————————————————————————————-
    CLASSIFIED AD
    CSF,NS (Christian single female, non smoker) seeking church affiliation. Strong professional/career skills. Multitalented, business acumen, organizational abilities, persuasive speaker, compassion for people. Will participate in nursery duty and food services but prefers nontraditional roles. Currently not a wife nor mother but used of God. Looking for ministry opportunities that utilize my unique gifts. Interested? Don’t ask me to baby sit or fix me up with your friends. Want contemporary thinker who understands singles. Serious replies only.
    ———————————————————————————————————
    How many of you would like to take out an advertisement like this and announce to the world (and the body of Christ) that being single is NOT a diseased state. If you do, you are not alone. Join with others who are tired of being asked to baby sit and have people assume they have no life. It’s time for the church to recognize that being single describes one part of who you are. It simply gives your marital status.

    In fact, being single has its advantages over being married when it comes to serving God. Paul comments on this in 1 Corinthians 7:34, 35. He says singles are better able to serve the Lord without distraction. Specifically he says the unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord. She should be holy in body and spirit. In contrast, the married woman cares about things of the world. His point here is that the single person is in covenant with God and can devote herself to the work of the Lord.

    The most important person who ever lived, Jesus, was single. He was focused on doing the work of the Father. Jesus had little time to be distracted by family. Paul, and a host of others whose mission was to spread the gospel, never married. So why do we pathologize this state of being in the church?

    The single person has great freedom to devote his/herself to the work of God because he/she is less caught up with cares of family and spouse. You may be called to be single permanently or for a time in order to accomplish what God has for you. Never think of your status as less than others. It’s time for the church to wake up and acknowledge the significant contribution you bring to the table.
    Being single isn’t a diseased state. It can be a desired state. Know what God has called you to do and go about accomplishing it. Worry less about your marital status and more about being used of God. His promise is to supply all your needs according to His riches in glory.

  • So, Do You Like This Guy?

    Pay attention to those who love and care about you when choosing a mate.

    Dr Linda Helps – Pay attention to the people who love and care about you when it comes to selecting a mate. For example, my parents (two people I consider to be relatively healthy) had opinions concerning my future partner. They had a perspective I valued as they watched me interact with men. At the point of marriage, they knew me better than anyone else. They also felt somewhat protective of their daughter.

    There were men I dated that my mother felt were not compatible with me. She didn’t meddle but did share her observations. This was helpful because she only reinforced what I already sensed. My father also had opinions and commented on things he felt were important about men. My parents’ input didn’t determine my decision but I certainly found it valuable.

    It’s important to pray, read your Bible and seek God when you consider marrying someone. If you ask God to speak to you about the person, He will. You have to spend time in prayer about this decision. Don’t think God isn’t interested. He is. If His eye is on the sparrows, He’s watching you! He knows the seriousness of the covenant and He wants you to get it right. But you’ve got to go to Him, ask and listen.

    Clients often tell me they felt “a check in their spirits” about a potential mate. Or they feel the still small voice is prompting them to end a relationship. Don’t ignore those spiritual warnings. When you pray about a specific marriage partner, the answer may not always be a green light.

    In addition, you should talk to your friends and listen to those who share your faith. They can help you think through important issues. If you are not defensive and truly open to the feedback of others, they can point to areas of concern. Deal with these areas prior to a making a commitment. You are in la la land if you think problems will magically disappear after the wedding. People often marry and say they knew they made a mistake on the honeymoon! What happened after the wedding wasn’t a surprise because signs were present during the engagement.

    Your pastor/priest/rabbi should be involved in the decision to marry. He/she is your spiritual authority and can challenge you as a couple regarding your commitment and compatibility. Premarital counseling is effective with many couples. There are inventories like PREPARE (Olson, Fournier, & Druckman, 1986) that identify areas of relational strengths and potential problems that predict marital dissatisfaction. If you’ve got access to these inventories, use then. They can highlight areas of potential pitfalls. You may also learn things about your partner you didn’t know.

    Obviously there is much to consider when choosing a spouse. That’s why it is so important to take your time, get to know the person and watch how he/she handles life under a number of circumstances. Seeing someone function over time is very helpful. That’s why quick courtships are dangerous – anyone can be on best behavior for a short period. Don’t minimize a concern you see while dating. Bring it up and deal with it directly. If you can’t do this while dating, it won’t get easier when you are married.

  • What Are Eating Disorders?

    Do you self-starve, compulsively eat and purge? You may have an eating disorder.

    Dr Linda Helps – You have seen pictures of emaciated women who think they are fat and girls who slowly starve themselves to near death. Models, actresses and ballet dancers are well known for having high numbers of anorexic women in their professions-professions in which the body and appearance are of great importance.

    You probably know someone who has or had an eating disorder. If you live in a college dorm, you don’t have to look far for evidence of the problem because it is rampant on college campuses. You may be old enough to remember singer Karen Carpenter who died from complications related to anorexia.

    These disorders are serious and require treatment by a mental health multidisciplinary team trained in eating disorders. Eating disorders are primarily of psychological origin even though they involve medical and physical complications. Early intervention is best because of the potential for serious medical problems, the extreme being death. These disorders affect men and women of all ages, but are especially present in young women. Adolescents are most at risk but all ages can be affected.

    Abnormal eating patterns may include self-starvation, compulsive eating, or compulsive eating and self-induced purging. Simple starvation leads to anorexia nervosa; compulsive eating to binge eating disorder and obesity; and purging to bulimia nervosa.

    All three patterns share in common certain symptoms: intense fear of gaining weight; excessive preoccupation with food and eating; chronic dieting; poor body image; depression; and the need for approval by others.

    Anorexia involves severe weight loss, excessive exercise, body image disturbance and food avoidance. Once 15% of body weight has been lost, medical symptoms can occur: absent menstruation in women; irritability and depression; gastrointestinal problems; headaches; sensitivity to cold; low pulse and temperature; hair loss; weakness; and anxiety. Low blood sugar, fainting and concentration problems also occur. Approximately 1% of adolescent girls develop this disorder. Anorexia is primarily a female problem(90%) but is rising among men.

    Compulsive eating includes impulsive, poorly controlled episodes of binge eating. High calorie foods are ingested in excessive quantities, often multiple times per day. The resulting weight gain may lead to chronic and sporadic dieting or fasting. As body weight increases, there is social withdrawal, depression, anxiety and panic attacks, work or school avoidance, and loss of self-esteem.

    Bulimia nervosa occurs when self-induced purging follows compulsive eating. The use of vomiting, laxatives, diuretics or fasting to control weight creates serious medical symptoms. These include: large weight fluctuations, gastric distress, headaches, skin irritations, tooth loss and gum disease, electrolyte disturbances, depression, and heart failure. About 2-3% of young women develop bulimia.

  • Prozac or God?

    Ask Dr. Linda: If I take Prozac am I not trusting God to heal me? Is this a lack of faith?

    Dr Linda Helps – Question: I am clinically depressed and wonder if I should I take antidepressants. My counselor has recommended starting me on an antidepressant. Does this mean I lack faith or am not trusting God to heal me?

    It is my opinion that antidepressants should not be the first course of treatment for depression unless the depression is known to be chemically based. Depression has many causes including biochemical but is also brought on by stress, learned helplessness, relationship problems, powerlessness, work problems, failed expectations, and loss to name only a few. Therapy and exercise can have dramatic effects.

    If you suffer from severe clinical depression or are not responding to therapy, then medication can be helpful. Your choice isn’t medication or God. One doesn’t have to exclude the other. Medication can assist your healing. Therefore, I am not opposed to Christians using antidepressants.

    As Christians however, we must always believe that God is our ultimate healer. We pray and believe for healing. So is taking medication a lack of faith? Not anymore than taking insulin is a lack of faith for healing of diabetes. Does a Christian diabetic pray to be healed? Yes. But until he sees evidence of the healing, he doesn’t throw away the insulin.

    The same, I believe, is true for antidepressants. Our ultimate goal is to not need medication because God has healed us. However, until your healing manifests, you may need to take the pill.

    What I have seen in therapy is that medication sometimes improves mood enough for people to revitalize their spiritual lives. Prozac and other medications don’t replace spirituality. We are not dependent on anything but God. Medications are simply agents to get you functioning again. Medications are not cures. Work on the causes of clinically depression.

    An important step in your healing is to build your faith through the Word of God. The more you fill yourself with the Word, the more you can stand in faith for healing. Speak the Word of God over the depression. Claim His promise for a sound mind and peace. Stand on the Word no matter how you feel and you will get better.

    If you find you need medication along the way, you haven’t let God down. Use what you need. Determine to depend on God and stand in faith. God sees your heart. Be willing to explore all aspects of the depression. For example, ask am I holding on to anger and hurt, am I not getting sleep and running myself in the ground, do I think negatively about most situations, do I need to change my behavior and thinking?

    In today’s world, the quick and easy solution is to pop a pill. Medications can be abused and used to avoid parts of life in need of change. They can also be helpful when used appropriately.

  • Do Violent Video Games Really Harm Kids?


    Dr Linda Helps – Question: My mom and dad don’t want me to play violent video games. My friends say they are really fun and only entertainment. It seems everyone plays these games, and they aren’t shooting people at school. What’s the big deal?

    Dr. Linda: The big deal is that violent video games can lead to aggression. Studies support the idea that violent video games increase aggression and delinquency–two things you, your parents and friends should care about. Here’s what recent studies tell us about violent video games:

    · They aren’t just entertainment. If you play violent video games, you can think and act more aggressively. If you are male, you may even see the world as hostile after playing these games.

    · Violent video games can teach you violent ways to think.

    · Violent video games allow you to practice being violent.

    · If you practice violence in games, you can access this information for real-life situations.

    · The more knowledgeable you become about violence, the more it may affect your personality (not in a good way!).

    · There is a relationship between playing violent games and delinquent behavior. The more violent video games played, the more delinquent behavior occurred.

    · There is a relationship between playing a lot of video games (any games) and poor grades. More time playing games led to poor academic achievement.

    So the big deal is that we don’t know how much those games affect kids in terms of violence and shooting people. We do know that you are affected, and one effect is increased aggression. So why play these games?

    Let me also reassure you that not everyone is playing these games. Some parents have enough sense to know that putting violent images in the head of anyone is not a good idea. We think a lot of stuff doesn’t bother us when in truth it does. Listen to your parents. They aren’t trying to make your life miserable. They’re on to the potential dangers of these games. They probably want to do everything they can to prevent you from doing things that will hurt you. Sounds like you have great parents!

    Conclusions based on research published in April 2000 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, “Video games and aggressive thoughts, feelings, and behavior in the laboratory and in life”.